reality of lameness

Only two weeks to go before the Tokyo tournament, and I am in trouble. Last year I was in the unranked division, and by some strange twist of fate, luck, and promotion, this year I am in the 4dan/5dan division, the most advanced division. In general, I am pretty hosed, as everyone else in the division, including all my instructors, outrank and outclass me.
Tanaka-sensei ran us through all 20 forms and then left us to our own devices. It was humid and we were all sweating away nicely. Orita-san kept up a regular stream of complaints every time she could catch me, but I didn't give her much of a chance as I ran through my five forms over and over again, every time comparing my own movements to the movements inside my head and realizing just how much more I have to learn. Tanaka-sensei was helping Kanai-san with the last form, shiho. It's nasty: surrounded by enemies you attack in four directions. The cuts are tough, connecting them without leaving yourself open is even harder, and cutting convincingly, with plenty of hip and reach, is nigh impossible. I can't do that form more than a few times before my right arm feels like it will fall off. I focused more on the two seated forms, inchuyo and yochuin, as well as musogaeshi; I keep losing my balance over-extending on the turn to cut behind after the initial forward strike.
We kept practicing well past 9:00, and finally I had to stop because I was completely dehydrated and my right arm would move any more. No sense in killing myself, I've still got two weeks.

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