depressed?

Tonight I was asked "Don't you ever get depressed?" to which I responded, in all honesty, "Not really."
I get upset about things. Actually if it's not a big deal, I get over it quickly, but if it really pisses me off or bums me out, I have two options:
1) Affect some change to make things more like how I want them to be, or
2) Accept my inability to affect change and adapt to how things are

The reality is I end up doing #2 quite alot, something along the lines of bitching about something to someone who will listen, and then telling myself "OK I feel better now. Whatever. Move on." and that's the end of it.
So the follow up question was "Do you HAVE emotions?" and the answer is of course yes I do, but I don't find it particularly helpful to use them to respond to situations at work (or in life in general) that already have enough emotional content to fill a day-time tv melodrama.
So I generally react something like "Ooh, you sent me a blistering flame email. And that makes me kind of pissed off, cause you are wrong and don't understand the whole situation and are just pushing your agenda. But you are also some high-powered person who cares more about the impression you make on other people than on actually solving the issue at hand, and if insulting me helps you, well I am glad to help then. You are welcome. And an asshole. And the universe will come to balance at some point. Maybe one day you stub your toe. Or get fired. Or someone more powerful does the same thing to you and instead of accepting it you get into a big, public flame war and destroy your precious image as a cool and resourceful leader...anyway I can't do much about it, but I CAN delete your email and move on with my life. See, when I wake up tomorrow morning, my kids will be even cuter than before...and you will still be an asshole."
And that kinda makes me smile.

#1 situations tend to become tasks on my to-do list (at work -- contrary to popular belief I am not actually so anal as to have a personal to-do list.)
Then I generally think about a new task: "Impossible." Following shortly thereafter by "Pointless." and finally "Get done what is doable."
I kind of enjoy that first feeling of almost realizing something is totally beyond my ability to achieve, and then I immediately start chipping away at it: if I knew a little more about this, I could do something, and if I ask that person, I'd maybe learn enough to start, and if I read and researched that first, I'd know more specifically what to ask...and pretty soon an impossible task is now a series of things I can do...but just don't want to.
And then I come to the realization that I either a) HAVE to do it, because that's kind of why I get paid a salary (it is called "work" as opposed to "play"), and/or b) I will learn something and perhaps even accomplish something and maybe even (*gasp*) make things slightly better by getting something useful/necessary accomplished, so then I am sort of resigned/inspired to do it, get it done, and cross it off the task list.
Generally I find that when I skip my daily zen sitting, little stupid things affect me more, and when I am diligent about my daily sitting, stupid little things still affect me, but I realize more readily what they are, and can get beyond them more easily.
But that's just me -- your mileage may vary.

bang!bang!bang!


bang!bang!bang!
Originally uploaded by renfield

mikan @ school


mikan @ school
Originally uploaded by renfield

back to basics

Managed to get to the dojo again and ended up teaching the beginner's class.
Actually like teaching raw beginners every now and then; they take absolutely everything I say without questioning, and interpret all directions literally. Sometimes (actually in budo, most of the time) people really do need to just not question and do as I say. And then we they literally do exactly that, it's much easier for me to judge what they need to work on and make corrections. Also it is an excellent way for me to understand what they are actually hearing and seeing. I demonstrate and explain something simple like how to walk across the room without bouncing all around in three directions, and someone ends up doing something totally inconceivable like practically squat-duck walking across the floor. Not her fault; she is sincerely trying to do what I said, she just has no concept of what it is she needs to do to get her arms and legs and whatnot to move the way her brain thinks she should move. A good lesson for all, methinks.

uni shake hotate!


uni shake hotate!
Originally uploaded by renfield

taikun!


taikun!
Originally uploaded by renfield

Met up with Cheapie family at Appi, played around a bit, then got some sukiyaki for dinner before checking out their new place and heading home.

Spent all morning looking at apartments so Ton was pretty fried and went to bed without a bath.

snack time


snack time
Originally uploaded by renfield

Took a little break from terrorizing pigeons to have a snack and warm up. New cherry blossom steamed bread is a winner.

pigeon!


pigeon!
Originally uploaded by renfield

Apparently Ton is simultaneously terrified of pigeons and yet determined to play with them. She follows them around until they either fly away or turn sharply in her direction. In the former case, she shouts "Go away pigeon!" and giggles, in the latter case she shrieks in fear and jumps onto me.

The mind of a 3 year-old is truly an enigma.

after the boxing match


after the boxing match
Originally uploaded by renfield

Just to be clear: my 8-month old son was NOT boxing. He had the sniffles, and it is quite dry, and he got a wee nose bleed. Which he didn't seem to mind much, and rather enjoyed smearing blood/snot all over his face.