depressed?
I get upset about things. Actually if it's not a big deal, I get over it quickly, but if it really pisses me off or bums me out, I have two options:
1) Affect some change to make things more like how I want them to be, or
2) Accept my inability to affect change and adapt to how things are
The reality is I end up doing #2 quite alot, something along the lines of bitching about something to someone who will listen, and then telling myself "OK I feel better now. Whatever. Move on." and that's the end of it.
So the follow up question was "Do you HAVE emotions?" and the answer is of course yes I do, but I don't find it particularly helpful to use them to respond to situations at work (or in life in general) that already have enough emotional content to fill a day-time tv melodrama.
So I generally react something like "Ooh, you sent me a blistering flame email. And that makes me kind of pissed off, cause you are wrong and don't understand the whole situation and are just pushing your agenda. But you are also some high-powered person who cares more about the impression you make on other people than on actually solving the issue at hand, and if insulting me helps you, well I am glad to help then. You are welcome. And an asshole. And the universe will come to balance at some point. Maybe one day you stub your toe. Or get fired. Or someone more powerful does the same thing to you and instead of accepting it you get into a big, public flame war and destroy your precious image as a cool and resourceful leader...anyway I can't do much about it, but I CAN delete your email and move on with my life. See, when I wake up tomorrow morning, my kids will be even cuter than before...and you will still be an asshole."
And that kinda makes me smile.
#1 situations tend to become tasks on my to-do list (at work -- contrary to popular belief I am not actually so anal as to have a personal to-do list.)
Then I generally think about a new task: "Impossible." Following shortly thereafter by "Pointless." and finally "Get done what is doable."
I kind of enjoy that first feeling of almost realizing something is totally beyond my ability to achieve, and then I immediately start chipping away at it: if I knew a little more about this, I could do something, and if I ask that person, I'd maybe learn enough to start, and if I read and researched that first, I'd know more specifically what to ask...and pretty soon an impossible task is now a series of things I can do...but just don't want to.
And then I come to the realization that I either a) HAVE to do it, because that's kind of why I get paid a salary (it is called "work" as opposed to "play"), and/or b) I will learn something and perhaps even accomplish something and maybe even (*gasp*) make things slightly better by getting something useful/necessary accomplished, so then I am sort of resigned/inspired to do it, get it done, and cross it off the task list.
Generally I find that when I skip my daily zen sitting, little stupid things affect me more, and when I am diligent about my daily sitting, stupid little things still affect me, but I realize more readily what they are, and can get beyond them more easily.
But that's just me -- your mileage may vary.
conference calls
Friday night 9pm conference calls suck, for many reasons.
I've already worked a good 60 hours in the office (never mind the hours spent on the blackberry. And I sleep with my cellphone next to my pillow. Not kidding.) and I am not in the mood.
You, on the other hand, have rocked up to work in London some time before noon in order to get on the phone with me and explain that you have not, in fact, read the reams of documents and lengthy email responses to your questions I have prepared.
In fact, you have a whole different set of questions which only manage to establish that you have not been paying attention, and even if you were, you don't get it.
And yes, I would just love to make some more documents for you to answer your additional follow-up questions so that you can ignore and not read them, and then we can get on the phone again, including a bunch of other people.
The only reason I am on the phone with you in the first place is because your counterparts here in my time zone are physically incapable of actually taking responsibility and making a decision, so they defer to you, he whom doesn't know nor care, isn't willing to bother, and will end up deferring to someone in New York anyway.
At least I got to make snide comments about you in Japanese to my coworkers, right under your nose.
money lending license training and exam

money lending license training and exam
Originally uploaded by renfield
I will be here all day...
And I was. Seven hours of pure Money Lending joy. Good news: the last hour we were basically told the answer to every question on the exam. So if you were still awake (a tough call for some) then the test was easy. If I got more than one question wrong it's because the RedBull I chugged a couple hours ago was wearing off.
"explosions, overpowering...
Not really. But when something blows up, things certainly get interesting. Not fun, but interesting.
(In Japanese that'd be tanoshikunai ga omoshiro.)
So on Wednesday, a hand grenade turned into a bunker buster and may end up being the trigger pop to a thermonuclear chain reaction.
Needless to say I did not join my coworkers last night to watch the Chiba Lotte Marines crush the Softbank Hawks from the comfort and privilege of the newly renovated stadium box seats.
I did however learn a whole lot about legal procedures, unsecured debt obligor precedence, and ISDA standards language.
Luckily P and the Tonchabeast are back at the Ibaraki farm homestead hanging chill for summer holiday obon.
I managed to get out of the office at a decent hour, given the weeks events and the fact that it's friday, so I treated myself to some rotator sushi before heading to my regular table at 'bucks for some late-night studying (this month's text is kashikingyomu shuninsha shikaku shiken: money lending business responsible person qualification exam).
* I don't do much karaoke, and even less in English, but when the stars align and I bust my rhyme, suckas go "oooh!" at my meaty groove.**
** Yeah OK that sucked.
class of 2008!

class of 2008!
Originally uploaded by renfield
Hosted this year's graddies for some eats and drinks. The restaurant made us this lovely cake...and then a waiter proceeded to break a wine glass all over it, so the cake was replaced with lots of little puff-pastry balls filled with cream. Anyway the cake says "Congrats on Joining the Company!" and probably would have been delicious if it weren't liberally springled with shards of broken glass.
shibuya
I have now gone to Suzuran so many times in the past two weeks, all the guys working there know me and greet me as a regular. Perhaps it's time to eat less ramen...
After stuffing ourselves silly jorge needed his caffeine fix so we walked over to the 'bucks at the crossing and planted ourselves at the window seats second floor to people watch the amusing festivities of hachiko and whine about the corporate inane.
yonnies

yonnies
Originally uploaded by renfield
Had an offsite for work all day, then a dinner at Tableaux. Hadn't been there in years. Food looked excellent, but I didn't eat anything. Haven't eaten in a couple of days; think I got a stomach virus again. Or maybe I'm just in bad shape from not getting any sleep the past couple days.
singapore bay
speaking the lingo
In IT we had certain words and phrases and in-jokes (all of which by now are probably so out-dated as to be useless): "Reboot it, you must", "Ping him and see if he's coming", "We tried to get lunch at that great Thai place but 404'd", etc.
I am happy to report that now in my 10th year in finance, the last several of which have been spent on the trading floor (I literally sit in the middle of the trading floor between trading, sales, and structuring), I have picked up a fair bit of the lingo into my regular English, to the confusion and consternation of my non-finance acquaintances.
Most of the lingo is because we're basically a lazy bunch and don't want to waste time saying long words and sentences. So for example if a bond is trading at 102.75, 102.50, 102.25, etc. everyone (or at least anyone who cares about the bond) knows that the handle is 102 so you can just say "50" for the price.
For quantity, bonds are generally quoted in yards. A yard is USD 10 million or JPY 1 billion (1o-oku in the mother tongue).
You are willing to buy at your bid and sell at your offer. Easy to remember because you offer something to sell like you offer tea and biscuits to a guest, and you bid to buy something like at an auction.
The market is the street.
If a trade is agreed, it is "DONE".
If you buy at the quoted offer, you lift the offer.
If you sell where there is a willing buyer (a bid), you hit the bid.
When there is much buying in the market, offers are getting lifted in the street. This makes sense because more buyers tends to push or lift the price up; as offers get lifted, offers go higher because with much demand to buy, sellers sell at higher prices until buyers stop buying, i.e. bids are pulled.
If you are told "half at fifty done" then you just bought half a yard at a price of [handle] + 50 (or .50, depends what you bought).
If you are told "fifty at half done" then you just sold same.
(I always get that mixed up, so there is a 50/50 chance that's backwards!)
A market-maker (someone who provides liquidity, i.e. is willing to buy and sell) quotes (tells) to the market his bid/offer; and generally you are willing to sell (offer) higher than you are willing to buy (bid) so a quote of "100/120" means willing to buy at 100 and sell at 120. So I guess technically it's an offer/bid but everyone says bid/offer.
If bid/offer is higher than previous, then it is widening. Lower than previous, it is tightening. Generally (though depends on your position) wide = worse market, tight = better market, similar to stocks where an up market (higher prices) is generally good and down (lower prices) is generally bad.
Then again, if you are short (sold more than you bought) in a down market, that's good; it means you can buy back cheaper what you've already sold for higher.
If you are long (you own it) and the market is up that's good; you can sell for more than you bought.
This gets confusing when talking about credit derivatives, particularly credit default swaps (CDS), which are basically insurance for bonds.
Easiest way to think about it is you are buying or selling credit protection. The protection buyer is buying CDS, paying some fixed amount (generally a couple of times a year for 5 years). If there is a credit event (for example the company goes bankrupt and can't pay the coupon on the bonds) then the CDS (protection) seller has to pay the buyer the full value of the bond.
If spreads are widening, that means insurance is getting more expensive, which means sellers are more convinced that the odds of a credit event are higher and therefore are only willing to sell protection at a higher price.
This is the same as a life insurance company charging more for a policy for someone who smokes, or car insurance being more expensive for teen-age boys; higher risk of death/accident so the protection (insurance) costs more.
And now a wee bit on accounting, while we're here. (The below is basically the sum total of my trading accounting knowledge. Shockingly little, eh.)
Where it gets tricky is in mark-to-market. The price out on the street is the market, and when you mark your book you set the value of the longs and shorts in your trading book to what the going price is in the market.
So for example if the CDS market is widening, that means people think there is a higher chance of credit events (problems) -- sentiment is that things are getting worse -- so protection (insurance against credit events) gets more expensive.
If you have been actively selling CDS (selling protection, which means taking risk) then you are short protection and long risk.
This means the protection you sold for 10 now costs 15 to cover; if you want to buy the protection you already sold, and be flat (no risk) you have to pay fifteen, for something you sold at 10. You lose 5.
Another way to think about it is: you sold something for 10 yesterday, but if you did NOT sell it yesterday and waited to sell it today, you could have sold it for 15. Then again, selling protection into a widening market is risky; you are taking on risk just when the sentiment is that things are getting worse.
Best usage I heard of mark-to-market was one of the traders talking about how his girlfriend (a former model) went to the Tokyo Motor Show (more famous for the scantily clad women who adorn the cars on display) so that she could mark-to-market, i.e. see how well she compares to the current crop of beauties.
post carnage drinks

post carnage drinks
Originally uploaded by renfield.
@ bar joe in Akasaka. This week was hellatious to say the least. So The Boss decided that if we survive, he's buying. And buy he did.
tetsuya
We had a new CB issue and made dinner reserves for 9:30. Pushed them back to 10. Then 10:30. Switched restaurants since the Oak Door closes the kitchen at 10:30, so made reserves at 11:30 at Cicada. Then pushed it back to 12. Then 12:30.
In the mean time everyone was starving so I went down to the Am/Pm and loaded up on Pringles, bagwiches, and onigiri just to keep us alive for the next few hours.
Finally left the office and got over to Cicada before 1, cracked open some wine and ordered a bunch of appetizers.
Got home at 3am and was useless in the morning which didn't really help P and Tonchan, since Tonchan's been launching bodily fluids out both ends all week. She's got her baby wisdom teeth coming in, which is not so pleasant, and she's picking up all the lovely virii at school, so she's been throwing up at night and having lovely diarrhea. Understandably not eating much and kinda grumpy, but no fever and loves walking around holding P's hand.
smash hits

smash hits
Originally uploaded by renfield.
Everyone knows I only drink once a year, right around this time (bonus time.) This year I have made an exception; I will drink twice this year. I suspect it will the last time I make such an exception because I seriously doubt I will get promoted again for a long, long time.
The best part about the day wasn't the debauchery and beers at Ginza Lion, nor the atrocious singing and vodka fizzies (or whatever they're called) at Smash Hits. It wasn't even the unending stream of problems I am called upon to solve, nor the depth and breadth of interesting work I am challenged with on a daily basis. It wasn't the hand shakes and back-pats and "well done"s, nor even the minor torture at the hands of my bosses who basically had me convinced I did not get promoted until the end of the chat whereby I was informed that, due to a gross oversight on the part of senior management, I managed to slip in under the radar.
No actually, the best part is the fact that I have the privilege to work for and with the absolute best goddamn Credit team on the street, bar none, hands down, full stop. And all the capable and impressive folks on my team appreciate me and my wee attempts at being useful enough to want to see me promoted. The fact that I can command even the slightest respectful acknowledgment from these fine professionals is the real gift. Oh, and the chance to sing Sweet Home Alabama with a bunch of Brits. That's pretty keen, too.
And now I'm off to bed. I have an early Compliance meeting in which I am sure to be totally useless, assuming I even make it at all!
Added more photos.
carnage
Went to check out a couple more international pre-schools for the Tonchalizer. Big schools, small schools, English schools, Japanese schools...lotsa options. Guess the most important things are:
* does the schedule work for us?
* do they have room for her?
* are the teachers cute and from New Zealand?
My daughter's education is massively important, obviously. The carnage I can imagine her doing with a box of pencils and a bottle of glue...she's got my genes, so I'm sure she'll be one of those unique kids who requires lots of "quite alone time" in the corner with the restraining belt.
Speaking of carnage, who pulled the bottom out from under the markets? Man I haven't seen it this ugly since the post Y2K internet bubble popped and I was sitting on some really expensive Cisco and Yahoo. Nikkei dropped like 2.4% today, which isn't too bad because it was never really up all that much. But yikes the rest of the world is feeling it.
This isn't any subprime fallout, this is your basic, run-of-the-mill over-reaction stupidity. All the talking heads on CNN and BloombergTV tell everyone the subprime shakeout is squeezing the big lenders and for some reason all the couch-traders and soho day traders think it's somehow relevant, and start selling out of everything, chasing the bottom.
Ah, but we can't blame retail, because the "professionals" have been caught with many a pant leg around the ankle, eh. The intelligence of crowds, they say?
At least I bought some reasonably cheap dollars...could have done better but I don't exactly sit around all day watching the FX tickers and punting currencies. I sit around all day reading Japanese securities law and punting term sheets and product descriptions and making little charts with arrows.
It's actually kind of fun, the whole "product structuring" thing; if only I actually knew what I was doing. I think my main job is to keep all the interested parties in the room from killing each other, find the one thing we can agree on, and drill on that until we have a workable product that
a) makes money for us and the client, and
b) keeps everyone out of jail.
Of course a is easy if you ignore b, but all that money isn't going to buy you much more than smokes and tv privileges in prison.
I honestly believe that the law is meant to be followed. Just sometimes the rules are hard; incomplete, a bit vague, kinda out-dated. All the more reason to scrub it down, figure it out, do the right thing, and come out shiny. Clients love it, regulators love it, and I can proudly tell my mom I am not perpetuating vast evils and carnage.
At least not at work.
shinhinanomoto

shinhinanomachi
Originally uploaded by renfield.
Many nefarious dealings with The Shady in town, so after multiple debauchery nights, we required some quality seafood and fried chicken. A final bowl of salty sea slug finished off the evening meal before several bottles of champagne down the road.
A good time was had by all.
debauchery
We took over the back room of 57 before heading up to Orange at Midtown. Vertical appetizers were a bit silly but the french fries with truffles was quality.
Sent the foreigners into the depths of sketchiness in Roppongi whilst the Japanese crowd went for late-night ramen and I dragged myself home at 2:30.
palace hotel
I dig the Palace Hotel. It is located, as you can imagine, across the street from the Emporer's Palace. It has the chill '50's stylish thing going on, but does smell like the fifties like the Okura does. That place just reeks of old politicians and gangsters and hair grease. The Palace is all class.
After the hotel thang I was supposed to go teach, but the building that Honbu is in had a blackout and so training was canceled. Random,but the building is older that several emporers so not surprising.
all in the knees
After class I had to go back to the office for a call with NY, didn't get home until 11:30. The hard life of a salaryman.
bye-bye nick!

bye-bye nick!
Originally uploaded by renfield.
Slick Nick is off to Hong Kong, and LoveTrain will miss him.


