just practice

Had a singularly unpleasant day at work. Hong Kong is going off into the Twilight Zone and I'm on damage control from their rogue bumblings. The company I helped write a short yet glowing research report on a couple of weeks ago is plunging like a skydiver without a parachute because the Tokyo Stock Exchange is staffed by monkeys who only know how to follow manuals, and populated with investors who aren't much better. A vendor in tears because she doesn't have the mental fortitude to work in Wall Street and expects perfect requirements in black & white. Lawyers with a million reasons to deny and disapprove, but all of them have different reasons, so pleasing one upsets another. And its earnings week so the market is all over the place, the team is pulling all-nighters, the schedules are packed, and the clients are antsy.
It was not a second too soon that I scampered out of work at about 7 and headed down to honbu dojo. No one was around so I let myself in and practiced for over an hour before Gosoke came followed shortly by Miyasawa, cramming in as much practice as he can before his 4dan exam next month.
Trained until about 9:30, with Gosoke giving pointers on noto and other fineries, before heading to the station to get some Chinese food. I have had an unsatiable craving for sweet & sour pork for weeks, and the more I eat it, the more I want to eat it.
Chatted with Gosoke about what it means to practice; to practice for yourself or for someone else (against someone else.) Without putting too fine a point on it, I don't care how "good" you are, if the only reason you're swinging that sword is to be better than someone else, to beat someone else, to prove something to someone else, you'll never get "good." You may become proficient at cutting and swinging, but if that's all you're interested in, try a machete. It's not some deeply spiritual concept of "the path" of martial arts or anything. It's really quite simple: it's about having heart.
Or, to put it more bluntly, are you being an asshole? Someone once told me "Brown, black, white, pink, small, large...assholes come in all shapes, sizes and colors. But an asshole is still an asshole."

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